By Drew Dietsch
| Published 10 seconds ago
I’m gonna let y’all in on a little behind-the-scenes of the entertainment content farm: a bunch of folks have to sift through tons of movies and see what has some arbitrary anniversary coming up. You start with “5th anniversary” and pretty much work in increments of every five years on upward. For whatever reason, pointing out any movie’s anniversary is bound to have folks crawl out of the woodwork for a few clicks. I don’t do this because I only want to write about movies that interest me. I don’t care if it’s the 50th anniversary of Jaws because I’m celebrating Jaws every day of my life.
But, there was a movie I happened to notice was coming up on its 20th anniversary. A movie I have never heard a single positive word about from any of my friends or colleagues. A movie that is often listed as one of the worst remakes in the history of the business. Now, that sounds like something that would interest me because I’m a cinemasochist. But, after spending my own time and money to watch it, I have to not only agree with the consensus but also plant a flag saying that no one will be celebrating this flick’s anniversary, 20th or otherwise.
Holy smokes, The Fog is awful.
Not Even Close For A Remake
If we just look at The Fog in a purely comparative light, it makes John Carpenter and Debra Hill’s 1980 original look even better. I’ll cop to not being a huge fan of the original film, but I revisited it when I decided to watch the remake. You know, The Fog (1980) isn’t a stupendous picture but it’s a quaint and effective little novel of a movie. It’s got atmosphere and a solid ensemble cast though it lacks strong characters. Still, after watching the 2005 remake, I’m ready to declare the original film a masterpiece.
The Fog (2005) is essentially a beat-for-beat remake of the original but with some character changes that should be to its benefit. Unfortunately, they are so basic and unimportant as to be irrelevant by comparison. The few segments that the remake pulls straight from the original only showcases how much more moody and effective John Carpenter’s original film was.
The Fog was part of the horror remake boom of the 2000s and seems to have taken all the wrong lessons from the time. And it has not done the movie any favors as far as aging.
A TV Movie With A Little More Money
The most shocking part about The Fog remake is how aggressively boring it manages to portray its story. With a reported budget of $18 million, this had a decent enough chunk of change behind it for effects. Too bad everything comes off like an episode of a bad paranormal investigation show that gets cancelled after a short first season. The level of TV production takes everything down a peg.
That’s not helped by the main casting. The Fog was an attempt to jump Smallville star Tom Welling into the big time, along with Lost actress Maggie Grace. I hate picking on actors but they just aren’t at a level to elevate this into something bigger and/or better. It only doubles down on the whole “bad TV episode” vibe radiating from this movie.
Because the world is a sick and sad place, I’m sure there is somebody out there who loves The Fog remake. It managed to get a 4% on Rotten Tomatoes so there’s someone willing to go to bat for this insomnia cure. And you know what? That’s cool. I’m not here to change anyone’s mind so if you love The Fog remake, more power to you. Just know I will never be able to trust your movie recommendations.
