Humanity’s Greatest Achievement Is Returning, New Stores Opening After 2018 Bankruptcy

By Joshua Tyler
| Published 27 seconds ago

Toys “R” Us has announced it’ll soon begin reopening stores. The company shut down everything and went bankrupt in 2018.

Toys “R” Us represented humanity’s greatest achievement. The existence of giant stores filled to the brim with items whose only purpose was to make kids happy is something that could only happen in a civilization that has reached a level beyond that of any other in mankind’s past.

So, it makes sense that the entire company went out of business and closed all of its stores in 2018. By then, America’s slide into a trash bin filled with used needles and red tape was well underway. The tents lining the streets of nearly every American city began multiplying at a rapid rate that year. By 2018, it was clear that this was no longer a civilization that could support something as wonderful and frivolous as Toys “R” Us.

Now, though, Toys “R” Us is returning, which means they’ve found enough investors hopeful about the possibility of a return to max-level civilization.

Upcoming Toys “R” Us Store Openings

While it’s great to see investors moving with optimism, opening a chain of big-box toy stores seems like a risky investment in an environment where the global population is in decline. That is particularly true in states like California, where the fertility rate is currently 1.51.

The replacement level fertility rate is 2.1. Basically, there aren’t going to be a lot of kids around to shop at Toys “R” Us in the future.

For some reason, Toys “R” Us isn’t opening stores in South Dakota, the state with the highest fertility rate at 2.1. If they want a larger state, there’s Texas, the state with the second-highest fertility rate at 1.81. If they’re hoping to sell toys to kids, those are the places Toys “R” Us should be in.