Raising children comes with constant decisions, and one of the biggest is helping them develop independent thinking.
Most parents want their kids to feel confident forming their own opinions instead of simply following the crowd. While that goal sounds straightforward, experts say it takes intention and consistency. Here are five practical ways experts recommend encouraging children to think for themselves.
Step BackDr. Stephanie Irby Coard, PhD, professor of human development and family studies at the University of North Carolina Greensboro, suggests that parents take a step back and allow their children to take the lead and problem solve on their own. Don’t jump in right away. However, of course, if the child is struggling, there is a point where parents should step in, but see if you can hold off, take a step back, and see what they can do!
“Teaching children to be independent begins in early childhood, and will look different and be guided differently based on a child’s age,” says Dr. Coard in an interview with Parents.com. You can verbally guide them, allowing them to figure things out on their own.
Set ExamplesWe all know that children learn by example. They are little sponges that constantly mimic everything that the adults in their lives do. If you set examples of making good decisions, honesty, hard work, being fair with others, etc. etc., they will observe how you do things and learn first-hand how to craft their own paths.
“That’s how creative thinkers are born,” Claire Lerner, child development and parenting expert in the same interview.
Listen Before You SpeakThis one is sometimes very hard to do, but extremely important if you want to raise a child that will think for themselves.
“Teaching kids to think for themselves means parents must gradually loosen the reins so children can gain valuable confidence and experience making self-guided decisions,” says Dr. Coard. “Support your child’s need to build some sense of autonomy by giving advice only after you hear what they have to say and what their sense of direction is.”
Challenge ThemThis is something that a parent can do with a child of any age. If you have a toddler and they are trying to pull up, don’t jump in and help them right away. Cheer them on, let them know that they can do it. Nine times out of ten, they will all on their own.
For older children, Dr. Conrad suggests giving them hypothetical situations to work through and encourage them to journal or self-talk through their decision-making processes.
“For older kids, [encourage] them to use self-talk or write in a journal to help guide their decisions.”
She concluded, “It doesn’t have to be a pushy, militant mental exercise, but asking them why they’re making certain decisions during everyday conversation can help facilitate their ability (and desire) to think for themselves.”
Remind Them Mistakes Are OkayEveryone makes mistakes and it is important for parents to let their children know that making mistakes is okay and it is a part of everyday life.
“Discuss and normalize the fact that people make mistakes and that learning from them is what is most important,” says Dr. Coard.
